Yes, I realize I haven't posted anything about Christmas, but I wanted to go ahead and post about a wonderful marriage conference Lee and I attended last weekend. It was the Love and Respect Conference at Fellowship Bible Church. Cole was able to stay with Grammy and Grandad and even made a trip with them to DeQueen to celebrate Olivia's first birthday!

The conference's theme was built around "The Crazy Cycle," which basically means without love she (the female) reacts without respect/without respect he (the male) reacts without love. Women need love to feel fulfilled, while men need respect to feel fulfilled. It's good to keep in mind he may not deserve respect, but he needs it. (Not referring to abusive relationships, etc. just "normal" relationship stuff.)

Many women wonder, "Does he love me as much as I love him?" Many men simmer, "I get no respect." Why do we hear more about love in marriage than respect? In this culture, a love-dominated society, women tend to talk far more about their need for love than men talk about their need for respect. Unconditional respect is as powerful to a husband as unconditional love is to a wife. We all need love and respect; but a wife leans toward love and a husband leans towards respect. Some contend showing respect makes a husband superior and a wife inferior. The bible is clear though: in the eyes of God a husband and wife are equal. Showing respect does not mean giving a husband license to do whatever he desires.

Women think her acts of love are respectful, and he thinks his acts of respect are loving. If goodwill exists, then most conflict is due to a misunderstanding of each spouse's core value. Love empowers a husband to energize his wife, and respect empowers a wife to energize a husband. Problems are not usually the problem. The root issue is an unloving and disrespectful attitude.

Loving her for who she is...Be with her face to face, open up to her, empathize with her, resolve/reconcile with her, commit to her, treasure her above all else. She will confront to connect not control. Never bad mouth; women need reassurance. Women are integrated, not compartamentalized thinkers. (Circular versus linear.)

Respecting him for who he is...Appreciate his desire to work and achieve (emphasis on desire, not performance), appreciate his desire to protect and provide, appreciate his desire to be strong and to lead (make decisions), appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel appreciate his desire for shoulder to shoulder friendship, and appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy. Where women are vulnerable, men are strong, and vice versa. Pay attention to how things are said. Goal is to meet his/her needs apart from his/her performance. Don't set each other up for failure. Responsibility must have authority, otherwise passive irresponsibility results. Men and women see things differently, not wrong, just different. The key to marriage is mutual understanding. Don't project yourself on each other. Neither of you determine truth. Men often fear the female tongue when a dark side is revealed and he is pushed away. Value each others' input and receive it. The thought if he would just change a little I would outlove him is a lie.

God gives us commands to prevent us pain. Begin anew every day, becoming more and more like Jesus. Unconditional love reveals a husband's imitation of Christ and thus love for Christ. He shows his love for Christ as he loves his wife. Unconditional respect reveals a wife's reverence for Christ. She shows her reverence for Christ as she respects her husband. My response is my responsibility. This reveals who I am. No one causes me to be the way I am, they reveal the way I am.

Until then,
Sonya